Solitude & growth - Experiences on Terminus Custom


#81

Have you ever ran emperor? Whenever I run it I always want to quit my job because I want to focus on my own thing.

But you know sometime you want to accumulate capital, invest in other things. Not everyone want or is ready to launch a business.


#82

No im just reading journals and the sales page…
Did u run ascended mogul?


#83

Nop. Could not compare Khan to it. It’s just that I’ve read that parts of mogul are in Khan :wink:


#84

On ascended mogul i felt a great push to be productive…it was insanse i couldnt sit down and i had lots of energy…emperor should be stronger than that?

Im trying to get a feel if emperor withoit running it lol


#85

Yeah, emperor will push you, the thing is, it is possible you have a drive to quit your job and do your own thing :wink:


#86

@pacman, @WhiteTiger - my guess is that most who ran Emperor, haven’t run Khan. And vice versa. There’s some distinctive difference in the energies of these two beasts which make me think that people pick between these two titles based on their personality type or what type of personality they eventually want to be.


#87

Hope you are healing well.


#88

Personally I prefer the Khan personnality. Even if you are cool emperor, having a cool social standing is better long term.

But I do value the Emperor type of masculinity, for the moment and to follow me into deep healing Emperor is perfect for me.

But when I want to bloom, and at my age, the way I want people to see me is the guy who is really at ease socially and who has it with woman. Couple of woman in my life, still working on building wealth, but I prefer having that light approach to life rather than the heavy approach!


#89

Khan is MUCH more me, Emperor sounded much more what I needed when i started.
And it still has my primary goal- complete financial Independence with reliance on others.


#90

I still have much more healing coming through. Tonight was about accepting that I am weakened. I need to sleep a lot, I do 6-7 hours woke up and then I want to sleep.

My body is weak, I am having trouble going to the grocery. I can’t go to the gym yet. I am lightheaded almost 24/7 I don’t know why.

It pisses me off that I can’t do shit about it. All I can do is accept… And now I am is making me face this bullshit!

I just wish to jump back on Khan and get all the external validation again. Get more popular, get more girls, just to flatter my damn ego!


#91

I think growth using subs is more complicated than what I had anticipated.

Your beliefs system is like a structure nested in each other. So, if you touch one beliefs, the other beliefs might have to change. If you add a new beliefs, your subconscious will try to make it fit with the structure that is already there.

This is where you see rebirth act, smoothing out this nesting. But let say that one beliefs is so bad, even if you have a good working structure that bring you success in certain aspects of your life, BUT completely blocks other aspects. You will eventually need to let that belief go, or break it, erease it… Because it prevent your growth even if it helped you so much in the past.

And now, this particular belief is removed… What happens to the beliefs that were build on it? Nested in it? Well, there is a great possibility they won’t be able to hold for so long, or be able to face the harsh reality of the world.

Ex of an easy example that comes into my mind : you are a narcissistic person and that is a great source of your confidence. You see yourself as better than everybody and you have a large ego which means you are not scared to work hard and succeed (at least to not lose face, and also because you deserve to win since you are the best, right :wink:). But at the same time, this belief will make it hard to have deep meaningful relationship with people because you see other people as inferior…

Ok now what happens when you want to developp loving relationship? There is a risk that the beliefs “I’m better than everybody” will have to change. Depending on how it changes, it could affect your self confidence and requires some work to flesh out your confidence beliefs.

And this is why change and growth is so complicated. One belief will influence 10 other beliefs and is supported by 10 beliefs itself. One tiny change in the structure may require a complete re-design of the system and that takes time.


#92

here’s something to look forward too…
when you don’t care or need that and life in and of itself is deeply rich, and sufficient, and you feel amazing about yourself because of who you are and how you live without needing any of the external validation. All that other stuff gets 100x in how good it feels-because it’s like another world joining your whole world-rather than trickles and bits of needing something to be ok.

That was extremely vague and metaphoric but I hope you get it:)


#93

I get that for that particular belief to be installed, it’ll need some time BUT it’s actually okay since once installed you don’t need to be perfect at external things because you will love and accept yourself!


#94

Ok, I’ll be honest, I’m on my healing path, and I’m tired. It’s been two week and I just started my third week… And I already want to switch!

It would be so much easier to know exactly where you are in the process. Did I went through emotionnal rollercoaster? Yes. Yesterday also.

What got cleared out? What changed? I won’t know for sure unless I start a non-healing sub. While healing my emotions are way too out of balance to really see myself. One hour I am sad and I don’t know why, the other, everything seems fine, and the next I am happy but just on the brinks of hopelessness.

This is why I don’t like healing, this is why it is so hard. You don’t really “see” progress and you live lots of negative emotions.


#95

I don’t know if it’s emperor, but I’ve been going to the gym three days in a row with my broken leg :joy::joy:


#96

healing is fucking hard, when all the stuff comes up, feeling is something even the most badass hardened people never really do, they just keep rejecting those parts of themselves.when they feel weak, anxious, vulnerable etc…it’s pretty badass and hardcore going through what you are…and it’s like when you have to throw up and suddenly you don’t-everything crystal clear and quite.

how’s the beast within? is it helping with healing? I think I’m going to test it tongiht.


#97

Can’t really say, I think at this level my leg is waaaay to swolen to really fasten the healing.

But the thing is, the healing is going NICELY, except the swolen part, everything is good!

I would say my healing subs and the beast within are more guiding my body to heal toward the right path rather than making it faster. Well, this is how I see it for my knee, probably that after a workout it would be more adapted. As far as my knee goes the doctor drilled my knee and grafted a tendon taken from my hamstring muscle, so I guess it’s normal that the healing process is slow.

Also, I’ve gained fat. Like I went from active (working out 6 times a week, moving in my appartment, like I was sitting one hour and had to move to activate my body) to being sitted for 99% of the day since walking with my cruches is a burden. I eat a lot less now so when I’ll start walking again my metabolism will ramp up and I’ll lose that fat.

AND my next sub will contain health codex + eye of the storm + the one for bitterness and hate (because I have a lot of those emotions inside me). I just don’t know how long to run this healing, I can see it’s still working because my emotions are highly unstable.

Btw @Azriel thank you for your words, I really hate healing and usually I just shovel my bad emotions in the back of my mind where they can calm down before looking at them. For exemple, the latina girl I saw 5 times NEVER texted me once to do something with me. Even now, last time we texted was like a month ago. I don’t like that and shoveled the emotion away hahaha Reading your last post really made me feel understood and not alone is this shitty process.


#98

@WhiteTiger
How did you take action on khan stage 1?


#99

I think on Khan St1 I didn’t do anything beside journaling.

It was the month my grandfather died and my family dog which who I grew up with died. Sooo. Like I had dates, but one date I just left because the girl didn’t wanted to have sex, so I just told her I had to go and eat haha the other girl I judt came and left because I didn’t gave a shit. I really wasn’t feeling well. I isolated myself in the end.

One girl I had met when I went to the store to purchase some clothes, she was helping me choose for the fit. The other one I already had sex with her :wink:


#100

You had sex already on stage one …
I can only imagine the other stages what u did :grin: