Solitude & growth - Experiences on Terminus Custom


#141

The NeFe way – Cold Reading. :wink:


#142

Interesting, I’ve done it in the past. Look at the way they dress, they walk. Danse, working out, fashion.

-You have the eye for colours, you could of been working in fashion.

I’ll try to add that to my arsenal because it is not that hard for me to do and it always surprises people. And then they ask you why you are thinking that and you explain to them and really they tell you how they feel about it and you can either move into “what they are really doing” or “push further into the possibilities”.

Thanks :slight_smile:


#143

This is what I’ve been feeling in the past month. I feel vulnerable. And I don’t really like the fact that I’ll need to re-learn to take risk, re-learn that I can manage the consequences.

Re-learn that if someone tries to fight me because I do something they don’t like (and because it happened to me a couple of times in my life), I can defend myself. And it always makes me laugh when people say “yeah but it never happens”. It does. I’ve been thrown on the floor at least three times when I was 20 by random strangers. I’ve been pushed on the dance floor and people grabbing me go outside and fight. Even on the street where I lived when I was younger with my brother, there are some crazy guys trying to fight us when we were taking a walk. Two weeks ago my brother had an altercation with a guys who was threatening him to kill him. My brother is 6ft tall and working out like crazy and the guy was crazy about it “it’s not because you are buffed that I can’t take you, blah, blah, blah”. What the fuck is wrong with people??? And I am telling this to my friends and they are like “what??, this happened here?” “yeah!!”, there are crazy people everywhere!

In elementary school, I’ve been punched in the face twice because I said something someone didn’t liked. No wonder I want to get bigger. No wonder why it was so hard to push myself and express myself more, even when I get older there are violent people everywhere and now I have muscle and I don’t want to lose it.

Anyway, rant over. I just want to feel solid again.


#144

Khan 2020 Welcome to the jungle. She only wanted to fuck me. I told her she’ll have to wait. And then she told me it was worth it because I might be the man of her life (as a joke of course), but I know she is down to see me again.

I told her I’ld take my time to send shivers down her body :point_left: and told her to think about it tonight.


#145

I searched a little bit on the web to see how much time I’d have to wait or give some kind of idea.

Makes me realise I have a lot of shame on my sexuality. I want to be performant. Or at least be able to choose what I want to do and how I want to act. If I don’t fuck her, I choose this. If I had a gf it would of been easier to start slowly because there is a trust relationship where I would be more comfortable showing my vulnerable side. It’s a great opportunity for growth here, but I am pretty eager to get back on the fun train!


#146

Ok, I don’t know why, but yesterday I spoke with some people in the class, had a certain leadership back in my team! People seemed to respect my opinion. Sunday night you guys saw the girl who wanted to see me in her bed.

I think reconciliation from my custom is starting to fade and I am seeing results and manifestation!


#147

It’s funny. You see how you changed when you face new situation.

For example : Yesterday I finished a teamwork at 3 AM, usually I am super anxious about the fact that I’ll be tired the next day when I do that (it’s been a couple fo years I haven’t gone to bed that late because of work). But to my surprise, I was zen, in the moment and not thinking about being tired the next day. I had a plan. I’ll take sleeping pills to try and get the most sleep I can, take stimulants the next day to have enough dopamine in my brain, but that’s it. That’s the most I can do. After that, I accept what is happening.

With that attitude I was able to calmly finish my task and keep focus on what I had to do! Also, I ask my physio this morning about when I’ll be able to function “normally”, which means climb stairs, walk without feeling tension in my knee, bend down and move more freely. She told me by the end of december I should be ok!

I still feel great on my Khan custom!


#148

nice to hear that, wont be building my own khan custom unitl 2022, want that to be the only thing ill be handling for that year

do you have any modules that’s your favorite right now?


#149

Well, I will just say that I can feel a lot of modules!

Deep sleep : Well, I just feel like I sleep better overall. It is easier to go to bed and I fall asleep faster… and I wake up refreshed!

Discordia Deliverance : Definitly I am more empathic, I don’t really feel hate anymore. I listened to the movie gladiator this week end with my roommates. I was really feeling empathic toward Commodus. My roommate was finding it satisfying to watch him get beaten at the end of the movie. I didn’t cared because I wasn’t hating on him.

Eye of the storm : Ok, I’ve changed my relationship to all the “supplements” and “drugs” I was taking. Before I had this kind of compulsion. Now I don’t really need them, which explain why I take less kratom, less phenyletylamine. Last week end I found out that I had some nicotine gum leftover. Nicotine is highly addictive for me as I fell for this addiction too many times. I took two gums and never thought about it for the other days, it’s been 5 days and I don’t need any nicotine. It’s really cool! Also, I am building my habit to be more focus and leave social media behind, spend less time on my phone for my focus, which is working great!

Mastermind : Well, I must say planning wasn’t my strongest characteristic of all, but slooowly I am thinking about the future, keeping an eye in front of me for what’s coming.

Health Codex : Well, I usually tend to care more aout what I am ingesting. I was pretty much eating healthy af. My roommate is leaving with his girlfriend so he decided to cook a lot. For now we are eating lots of pizza, which is probably one of the worst food for fat gain because it mixed high GI carbs and fat. I’ve started OMAD, or warrior diet, or whatever. My eating window is basically from 4pm to 8 or 9 or 10pm depending on the night. He is leaving soon (like nov 28), and I am pretty sure he might disappear sooner than that. He is fat and he is the only of my roommates who eat a lot of fatty and high GI food soooo. Once he leaves it should be easier to eat healthy (but christmas afterward…, I hope I’ll only have two christmas party, should be less crazy this year with COVID).

The rest of them I feel I already have explored, so i won’t write about them today, but I would say the skills based modules are pretty cool!


#150

nice i have eye of the storm and mastermind are two that i will definitely try out for next year, good to hear that your modules ate working out for you

want to try this, dont have any sleeping problem tho but i know it will just improve my quality

ive been thinking i have to get any from supplement, will use still when using my weights, but i think when studying ill use them, but ive found that subliminal have slowly gotten me off them as well

this is a must have for next year, am good at planning already put i want the efficiency part of this module


#151

Yeah, I think skills based modules are highly underestimated! You need to get your thinking straight!


#152

Not sure if I’ll do this, but it seems Ultima customs are coming and well be able to include modules from the store.

Might try the following:
I am
Attachment Destroyer
Joie de Vivre
Ego Adsum

I think it could be a strong complement to a major sub. I think I am and attachment destroyer might be an insane combo.


#153

Sound like a wicked combo, once this ultima is align with you curremt sub, it will bring a good boost, ego adsum is one of those that i want to put in a mojor just to keep me focus on the now


#154

Yep, it would be more of a healing sub, but I’m pretty sure it would work out to really touch deep stuff!


#155

So, I just texted the girl who wanted to have sex with me last weekend and asked her if she wanted to cuddle or something. I really need that. So we have fixed a moment to see each other this week, but I’m not sure I will be avaliable and she is not sure too soo, we’ll see.

But I feel like I can still have fun with her even if I only use my mind and my hands hahaha


#156

Ok, my old fwb texted me yesterday… So we fucked, even with my knee haha, I told her I’d use my fingers and mouth. Then she was just so down to jump on me and be careful with my knee hahahaha

So. I had sex random like that. I’m also a little bit off since the gym will close, but you know I guess it’s fine.

I really like this custom, for now it works wonders. Maybe in 6 months I’ll switch Khan for Medici, but I love my mix right now!


#157

So, I’ve been reading about the Ultima thread.

I think a good healing ultima would be I Am, Blue Skies and Attachment destroyer, I feel like it could be pretty cool to run it with my current custom which I really like!

It could push it further, add intense healing via Ultima for a week and then keep running my regular stack!


#158

Still in love with my ultima stack, I think I’ll stick for a long run with my Khan Custom, I have so much growth on it!

And now I’ve orderer a Ultima Custom, try out healing in ultima format. I’ve added I Am, attachment destroyer, New Beginnings, Blue Skies, Power Awareness and Potentiator.

I think this ultima, if it works as I think it works will really PUSH for growth. Ultima are designed to work fast. Which means they could bring out trauma and process them faster than regular Q. Letting go of a past trauma, destroying another, discovering inner part of one self faster. Combine it with my Khan custom and you get Magic!


#159

Lockdown back here, can’t go out and can’t really see people. I might do 3 loops of my Khan custom and 2 loops of my emperor-healing custom every week. Still focus on the Khan attitude but adding part of emperor and I am for healing.

Next week when I’ll get my ultima, I’ll start playing it and see how I am + Attachment destroyer Ultima hits!! I must admits I am really curious. I might even build some kind of routine to focus on my development on some specific aspects from a conscious standpoint!


#160

This is why emotional healings is one of my key focuses for the lockdown. Only khan I’m running is khan q ST1. Will pair with my healing ultima.