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Marcus Aurelius, Being Liked By Others and a Point of No Return
Alright so today I reached a major point in my journey with EmperorQ. After a (brief) moment of reconciliation, I guess I’ve finally hit the point of no return. Let me explain briefly what happened and, most importantly what thoughts and feelings I had.
Now I’m going to repeat myself. But in terms of making things going forward, I’m sorry but you can’t beat me. As Willie Smith said, you can be more talented. You can be more skilled. But I’m not afraid to die on the treadmill. If me and you we are going to play the same game, two things are gonna happen: I win or I die trying.
Understand: I’m not saying I like working for the sake of it, but working using your head. I’m not working MORE hours than before. I’m just working smarter. In the past, I would just work like a maniac. I’d focus on every detail, wasting a huge amount of time on stuff that’d make me going nowhere. But now, well I won’t lie to you: I’m getting more stuff done, with less perfectionism. And the quality? Good enough.
I’ve always loved shortcuts. If I found a way to cut my workload with some help (or by cheating), I’d take it. I’ve found that I’m doing this even more than before.
So as I said, I’ve never been so productive as these last days. Yet, my CEO and her stupid assistant are pushing me. There were days at the office I took care of my own shit, just because I had nothing to do. See this post:
Now, all of the sudden, they realized deadlines are around the corner and they want me to fix it. Oh, but I will. I used to become extremely anxious under pressure. Not now. Even when I don’t even know where to start, I somehow KNOW I will make it happen, I will find a way to make it done, while doing it. Before, I’d panic if I had no idea about how to fix something quickly. Today, I don’t even bother thinking about it. I just start, and I know I will make it happen. This is unbelievable guys. I don’t know what’s happening here, but I’m confident EmperorQ is doing some voodoo shit on me!
- I became more assertive when discussing my work with my superior. If I think of something and I think I’m correct, I just say it. Understand: I’m not acting as a rebel, I still follow directions. Yet, I do speak my mind and I do so with no filters.
Okay, now the fun part. At the beginning of this post I mentioned about hitting a point of no return. What I meant by that? If you’re reading this (being that a fellow member or even yourself Tarmicle), I encourage you to have a look at my older posts. Do you see a pattern? You can’t? I’m gonna tell you what that is. Look at the words, see what’s happening between the lines. Even though I speak about confidence, social dominance and all this stuff, I’m still speaking from a place of insecurity. It’s subtle but it’s there. I want respect. I want to be dominant. I want to be a social god. But, in the end, it’ just me trying to be liked by other people. I just realized this, today. And I decided I’d stop it altogether. And I did. Excluding the incredible sense of liberation I had (to be myself), I’ve found that there’s no harm by NOT trying to conform to the the social norm OR trying to behave just for the sake of being accepted. Today, for instance, I spoke my mind regarding an issue at work. Everybody agreed on something, but I did not. So, I literally said what I was thinking. No sugar coating, no reframing, just plain a simple, with a smile. Interestingly, I didn’t get conflict from the other side. They just got along with it. I’m not saying they agreed, but definitely they didn’t fight back. It’s still early to say, but it think that by freeing yourself from trying to fit in, you actually become more attractive and respected. I’m not sure about this but I’d definitely, DEFINITELY keep an eye on this and I’m eager to let you know how things will turn out, now that I made this decision.
I decided to invest in a course on charisma and social skills.
I noticed my movements are slower and deliberate, like tai-chi.
I become interested in stoicism and I started reading Marcus Aurelius, today.
We’ll see what tomorrow brings.