[STACK] Road to Abundance (Trans. Med. 4) - EoG and a bit of EV4/EQ


#121

ST1 - Day 32 - 159h - 3/11/20 - 7 Loops of EQ - Post 3

I love EQ! Now I am finished with the damn exams and can focus on what matters!
Btw. my country is screwed, people are starting to go crazy.
This should keep the spirits up:

I will use this week to reorient myself, review what was going on how I’ll proceed from now on. Sorry for my harsh rants, sometimes I just overreact but I post them anyway because I think it is all part of the journey and I don’t want to fake this and act like everything is cool and fine


#122

ST1 - Day 33 - 162h - 3/12/20 - 10 Loops of EQ

I had very little exposure to EoG yesterday. I feel like I should continue with ST1 until I get my first sale.
Also my journaling is off. I don’t really take time for it. I will make a new entry after I post this one.
What should I say… I am between heaven and hell every day.
Heaven when I feel confident and think about work and my business.
Hell when I get stressed and get buried below loads of fear and anxiety.
There are many things I want to do and things I am supposed to do but I feel paralyzed.
I ask myself “Why am I like this? Why?”

Sometimes I feel like an imposter. I saw the applications of other people wo applied for the job I now have and some of them really are stunning. I am not that great in what I am doing, hell I even have to learn about this stuff just now and my boss knows this and he said it doesn’t matter the only thing that matters is that I make the effort and learn through experience. Still I sometimes feel like I can’t do it. Like I don’t know anything about what I am doing.
I don’t want to speculate on whether it is EoG, EQ, LD or not, I just mention everything I notice here.
I also feel like … the way I view other things is being torn apart.
If you ask me what I think of xyz, I can’t really answer the question, although in the back of my mind I know the answer. But on the front it is like I don’t know anything about it and have no opinion.
I hope this makes sense.

EQ keeps pushing me into this dating-site-stuff. I wish it would help me more with the job and the business though… Today I had this voice in my head urging me to take a picture of myself and create an account on a dating app. I haven’t done so because… there are so many things I have to take care of before I do that and I am not even talking about confidence but about stuff like clothing, hygiene, time management, advancing in the job and the business etc etc etc.

I am very sleepy most of the time I come back home. Then I’d take a nap…

I know what I should be doing, what the next steps are regarding my business and the job… but when it comes to my business, there is a barrier of procrastination.

Edit: I also feel disconnected from god/ the universe somehow. I feel like I have been to much rushing stuff and using my intellect and haven’t taken the time to keep the connection. I will take care of that more.

Let’s hope everything is going as it is supposed to happen, that the necessary change is taking place right now, that I am protected and guided through this tempest to the light, amen.


#123

ST1 - Day 33 - 162h - 3/12/20 - 11 Loops of EQ - Post 2

Alright. I gave in. EQ won. I created an account, uploaded a pic and contacted a girl I liked.
Yes, I have never done this before.
Damn.


#124

ST1 - Day 34 - 162h - 3/13/20 - 11 Loops of EQ

My pic got deleted and they don’t show me her profile anymore.
Frustrasting, isn’t it?
Well, at least I tried I guess. Hope EQ is happy now and we can get back to business.


#125

ST1 - Day 34 - 162h - 3/13/20 - 11 Loops of EQ - Post 2

What the hell am I going to do with you, EQ…


#126

ST1 - Day 35 - 162h - 3/14/20

I got an idea inspired by AMASH. What do you think?

Monday: EoG ST1 6-12h
Tuesday: OFF
Wednesday: Limit Destroyer 6-12h
Thursday: OFF
Friday: EoG ST1 6-12h
Saturday: OFF
Sunday: OFF


#127

ST1&2 - Day 37 - 3/16/20

I think it is very important to live in a way that makes it easy for you if you have to finally depart from this world. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about Corona or something, I don’t think I will die from it or anything, it is just a thought that I am pondering. I’ve been to a really good restaurant a few days ago and enjoyed the food there. I thought when the world is gonna end, I will have at least one of my favorite meals for a last time.
Back to the thought, I think… it is important to finish our business here. To close the loops. To make our dreams come true.
So we can leave without resentment and sadness.


#128

ST1&2 - Day 38 - 3/17/20

Life has some crazy ways… Just when I was about to focus on business solely and completely, this happened and… changed a lot. In the past few days a process in me has started and it forces me into introspection.
It doesn’t matter if I want to or not. It just starts and I can’t stop it.

I have differing view points on this. One side of me just wants to move on, getbetter, achieve my goals and live life…this part is very confident and knows it will not die, because there are so many things left to experience.
And then there is this other side… that is tired.
Tired of continuous battle. of disappointments. of waiting. of my own shortcomings.
But also tired of the world in general. Tired of fearing someone might harm me. I might lose my reputation. Hostility. Hatred. of having to know what is going to happen next and always analyze everything. of fearing the future and regretting the past and being anxious in the present.
I guess this part actually wishes for the world to come to an end or at least to bring this one down so a new one can emerge. I don’t know. Maybe this world isn’t build for us humans in the first place. Maybe it is a machine world.
I don’t know.
I’m just tired. and sad.


#129

ST1&2 - Day 39 - 3/18/20

I think what I am doing is a good idea.
I am using the subs in a more intuitive way now, like this:

Monday: ST1 & ST 2
Wednesday: Limit Destroyer
Friday: ST1 & ST2

The other days of the week I don’t listen to subs. Guess this actually amplifies the results because the mind gets more time to process everything one by one.


#130

ST1&2 - Day 40 - 3/19/20

Day 1 in self-inflicted quarantine. I prepped quite a bit and I’m working remotely from home now.
A general recommendations of mine is not to worry about hours and become more intuitive. You know what I mean. So, I lend a book from my Boss, Deal!, by Jack Nashor, so I will still be able to improve in business, apart from my job. I plan to go into more introspective the coming time and come to terms with my inner demons. This is just the perfect opportunity for it.

I think this is a very magical time right now on Earth, everyone stays at home and has time to think about life. I also noticed many people started doing things they procrastinated on before, just little things but things that meant something to them because they just realized how they have stuffed their dreams up their whole life and now they think “Before I die, I want to do this”.
I think our world will never be the same again, in a good way. This is the first time in the history of mankind that an “event” like this takes place all over the world, in almost every country at the same time. Think about this.
Isolation forces people to change.

I am definitely going to spend more time contemplating and meditating upon this and I invite you to do the same.


#131

ST1&2 - Day 41 - 3/20/20

Day 2 in Quarantine. My flu got way better, it’s almost gone now. Got 2 offers to participate in skype-discussions for market research. It’s all remote now so that would be some easy cash here haha.
Today is ON day. ST1&ST2 all day long


#132

ST1&2 - Day 45 - 3/24/20

Pissed off with my job and don’t know why.
I either together with people who push too little or people who push too hard.
I perfectly understand people who want to push hard, work all day and become millionaires and stuff.
I thought I am the same. Now that I am sitting here in quarantine, I come to think that all I want from life right now is being able to pay my rent, don’t have to worry about money and how I spend it, have enough spare time for myself to date, meet friends, my hobbies, dive deep into spirituality etc.
I may go behind all the big money later but for now that is all I want.

Maybe I’ll never be the guy I thought I’d be, but I don’t want to think about business and read only about business and hear only about business all day. Money in and of itself is worthless, it’s just a currency to buy a more comfortable life.

I also think I… lost most of my ambition during my time in school. Now, I really don’t want to dwell in this school-stuff again, I just know for a very long time now that school destroyed parts of my energy to accomplish something. It’s like this:
I get motivated to start something new and it goes well. Then first obstacles appear and I am still fine.
Then another voice shows up and starts to point out all the negatives. That’s when I feel I don’t have the extra energy to push past this point.
This energy has been lost during the final years and months of school.
For me, it was hell. I hated school in general, I enjoyed elementary school but everything that came past it just broke me and I hated it like I do nothing else.
I guess this energy got all burned up when I tried not to break down in school, because teachers and students would literally shit on your patience. I used up all this energy not to go mad midst all this madness and instead I got heavy physical symptoms of stress manifesting as blockages all in my body, some of them are present til this day.

Since this time I notice this… tiredness inside me. This part of me is just tired of life and doesn’t want to achieve anything anymore. All it wants is to sit at the beach and watch the sunset.
That’s all I actually want from life.

Damn… I’m just 20 years old and I sound like a depressed war veteran sometimes… Not trying to make myself important, it just scares when I realize what I am saying.

I know this is the perfect opportunity and I just have to keep going. I’m just so grateful for being in quarantine, so noone at work notices how I feel like inside.
I know I can’t survive on my own like this and this is a great opportunity. I just have to figure out how to get this energy back.
I hope the quarantine continues for months to come.


#133

ST1&2 - Day 48 - 3/27/20

Ladies and gentlemen, a little update from out captain on our flight.
Well nothing to special, things are more back to normal now and I am on my way to continue just as usual. Usual meaning I do my job, and I do it very well, and then I go into the deepest parts of my psyche to discover what’s going in life in general and enjoy the trip.
I continue with the schedule I shared with you (ST1+ST2 on Monday and Friday, LD on Wednesday) and I still think this is a great idea, I seem to make much more progress now than before.
Apart from that I also use other stuff hehe.

Time starts to dissolve. 1 day feels like 1.5 and 2 days. Every day is the same as yesterday. I don’t know what is happening inside my psyche anymore, what is surfacing and what is healing and what not. I just know I get deeper and deeper into this magnificent world and closer to the point of absolute chaos. He who seeks to be strong, let him pray for chaos.


#134

Oh, I forgot to mention, people here are still running around freely, 80-90% still with no protection measurements. I forgot to say that because I got used to the fact that people here have a serious death wish (for everyone). This means the situation at my place here is probably going to become very horrible very soon (Maybe something like NY) which means quarantine will continue for a long, long time.
Great, there are lots of books I got to read.


#135

ST1&2 - Day 52 - 3/31/20

Adjusted my schedule.
New schedule:
Mo: ~3h ST1 + ~1h LD + ~6h ST2
Tu: ~1hST1 + ~1h ST2 + ~1hLD
We: 1hST1+1hSt2 + ~9hLD
Th: … You get the idea

Besides that I experience depression-like states rn.


#136

ST1&2 - Day 55 - 4/3/20

Time for a little update…
You guys remember the man who was my guest last winter? We had a dinner party and I wanted to show him my book and get his acknowledgement. Here is the post:

Day 36 - 23. of November 2019 - 91h of Emperor
Thought I am going to update you on what happened. Well… I am glad I didnt have the book finished.
There was a lot going on and I would have been disappointed because I wont have gotten the admiration of the persons I wanted. Basically I learned how foolish it was from me that I wanted to impress them. I would have been absolutely devastated.

But you know what? We talked about my motives, and I said for me it is important to earn money without harming anyone. The man I talked to must have thought I was pretty idealistic, meaning he thought I didnt care about money at all, which is just not true, and he said something I will not forget.
“You know, you too will not change the world. The world will stay just as it is but you have to find a place in it that is comfortable for you.”
He doesnt acknowledge me.
You know why this is so much more precious for me than if he’d just said he finds it cool or amazing that I have written a book?
Drive.

Well, you know what? He is dead.
He committed suicide at the beginning of his week.
I still haven’t fully realized the fact his soul left this world. It is strange, because it seems so unlike him.
He always helped people and laughed and enjoyed all the money he had. He had plenty. He was extremely rich. He was very very rich. He had so much real estate, it was ridiculous. So many houses, mansions, apartments, cars, yachts … in the end, that meant nothing. He died out of the void in him.
I can’t really say much about him because I have only talked to him a few times, but to my it seems like he killed himself because of all the emptiness in his life, and his belongings mirrored to him, that he still was lacking something important. I think it was purpose. He always traveled around the world, visited so many countries in one year like most people don’t visit in their lifetime, but he couldn’t escape the fact that he didn’t know why he was living in the first place.

Maybe that was the reason why he helped so many people, including my family. Because he thought it would fill the emptiness. And for some time, it did. The desparation he felt, feeling this emptiness despite all the richness he had must have been overwhelming.
At least this is what it seems like to me. I don’t know any more details about why he did it.

And as weird as it may sound, with his departure, something inside me changed. No, something left me. I can’t describe it, I can’t identify it, I can’t tell you more than that I feel relief of a burden because his death reminded me that life was way grander than any fear or anxiety could make it.
Our fears mean nothing compared to the greatness of life.
I hope this old burden stays where it belongs.
Some old part within me died with him and I am grateful for all he did for me and my family, and I am thankful for meeting his generous, humble soul.
May he rest in peace and find true abundance in the place of eternity.


#137

ST1&2 - Day 56 - 4/4/20

I feel horrible. Something is gone, something left this world when he died but something else took its play (for now) and I don’t know if it is better. In a way it is, because I was getting tired of the same old emotions. On the other hand this is worse because it feels like nothing.
I don’t really think The Elixir can help me anymore.
I don’t know what can. Only endurance.


#138

ST1&2 - Day 60 - 4/8/20

Got a mail from my advisor, asking me how it is going…
Getting a bit nervous now since it is already April… Damnit.

I mean what am I supposed to tell him?
“Oh well, thanks for asking, I was sitting here these past months, struggling with depression and anxiety oh and btw a friend of mine died, but you know what? I earned about 20 bucks now, so I am pretty optimistic! How have you been doing?”

Yes, I got this other job which is not paying me right now, but I will get a wage in June when I become a full time employee but this is not what we expected…
What we need now is a miracle.


#139

ST1&2 - Day 64 - 4/12/20

I am rethinking a few things about my schedule. I will listen more on tueday and thursday, but have the weekend off. Since I don’t care about immediate results I just assume that everything that happens now is part of my EOG-journey, which is part of my greater journey, which is part of my life-journey.
Meaning I stop thinking too much about the subliminals and what they are supposed to be doing and just go on with my life and let it be in the background.
A funny thing that I noticed though is how perfect this manifestation is.
Not only will I get paid very well for my age in a few months and not only do I learn everything about online marketing that I wanted to learn, I also get to reap all the benefits of coachings, books etc. I desire but are too expensive for me to buy. For example my boss just bought a coaching for multiple thousand dollars (I got to ask him much it was exactly, I think about 2000)
which is supposed to teach me elite knowledge about Online Marketing (Sorry for my bad English today btw, my brain is a bit foggy)
So, that’s another reason why I love my job. I don’t have to stress out about who is a liar, a scammer and what the price is, I just got to prove my value, which I did by now, show him what I want and why I think it will help me get the company more profit and he pays for it.

About my personal life: It’s been the definition of chaos, bluntly speaking. Everything collapsed.
The death of a dear friend, depression, addiction, laziness and lethargy, losing weigth, breaking my almost 10 month streak of working out 3 times a week, …
I know it is for a greater good and I had many insights from it. One of which is that it doesn’t matter. None of this is who I am. I realised this when he died and I saw the police and everyone around me started crying. I worked on my list of things I absolutely want to do before I die.
I identified 7 points altogether that are important to me. They aren’t really much and I will achieve them over the course of the next half year/year. It really isn’t that crazy.
I don’t know if I should share it with you or if you even care, if so just let me know and I will elaborate on it.
This list isn’t my last wish or something and I don’t plan to die after I completed it, if that is what you think. It is just the last to inner peace. I don’t care about what happens past that point.
Of course I will still have ambitions and goals, but I won’t regret dying.
I don’t want to get cocky now and say I don’t fear death, no one can tell until it is the time to die.
But I want to truly understand death to truly enjoy life.
If there is one thing that I have learned during this quarantine than it is that authority is a lie. We actually obey an illusion of fear. Of course we all obey authorities in one way or another, but I learned how ridiculous it is to fear authorities and their judgement.
What weight does any authority or judgement of this world hold in the face of death?
It is not real and beyond this little world, in the place of eternity, where we all are truly free, it means even less.
If this realisation is the reward for me enduring above described things being taken from me, than I ask life to take away even more from me, because all that can be taken away from me, is not real and only reveals who I truly am.

With that out of the way let’s talk about what my plans for now are. My plans are to reestablish a routine and take more care of my businesses, which means scheduled posts and stuff. You know, the annoying stuff noone wants to do.
I started doing so with 2 of my “businesses”, which don’t bring me any real money. One of them brings me some bucks here and there, my goal is to make it more profitable. The other thing, a blog I have, doesn’t make any money in the near future, it is more a way of building reputation, a following and a mailing list when I start to pursue my hobby of creating games and drawing.
The other one, my design business, has been rotting in the corner these past weeks. I will change that and build an actual and active social media presence to promote my designs there.
I put far too much effort into the designs to let it all go to waste now. I won’t let my laziness destroy my goals anymore.

All in all, interesting journey so far, hope you guys are doing well on your own journey.

See you soon


#140

ST1&2 - Day 66 - 4/14/20

Planning to stick around with ST2 for a bit longer. I’d say until this down phase is over.
I am thinking a lot about these things I have shared with you guys in my recent posts and yesterday I stumbled upon Bill Gates’ Instagram and the comments there.
Go check for yourself, it is insane. Now, I don’t want to talk about who is right and who is wrong, wether Bill Gates is evil or not, it is just that something like this massive flood of comments of this specific kind, have never ever been seen before.
I could be wrong but what I get from the comments is that… people are just tired. They are just tired like me. They don’t care about having infinite discussions and being told to be “realistic” and “reasonable” by people who belittle them their whole life.
I get that. And it is the same I have been talking about for months now here.
People are just sick of this. Sick of the fear these so called “authorities” feed us with control us with.
Sick of this whole agenda, this matrix of surpression and torture and misery and pain.
It’s enough. If there is a world I want to live in, it is a world where these things don’t exist anymore.
Any other world is not worth living in.
And I realize, I really deeply realize, that fear is the only way this matrix, this world of madness holds its power over me.
And it is brutally stripped away from me, right now, and this is why it is so painful.