[STACK] Road to Abundance (Trans. Med. 4) - EoG and a bit of EV4/EQ


#121

ST1 - Day 32 - 159h - 3/11/20 - 7 Loops of EQ - Post 3

I love EQ! Now I am finished with the damn exams and can focus on what matters!
Btw. my country is screwed, people are starting to go crazy.
This should keep the spirits up:

I will use this week to reorient myself, review what was going on how I’ll proceed from now on. Sorry for my harsh rants, sometimes I just overreact but I post them anyway because I think it is all part of the journey and I don’t want to fake this and act like everything is cool and fine


#122

ST1 - Day 33 - 162h - 3/12/20 - 10 Loops of EQ

I had very little exposure to EoG yesterday. I feel like I should continue with ST1 until I get my first sale.
Also my journaling is off. I don’t really take time for it. I will make a new entry after I post this one.
What should I say… I am between heaven and hell every day.
Heaven when I feel confident and think about work and my business.
Hell when I get stressed and get buried below loads of fear and anxiety.
There are many things I want to do and things I am supposed to do but I feel paralyzed.
I ask myself “Why am I like this? Why?”

Sometimes I feel like an imposter. I saw the applications of other people wo applied for the job I now have and some of them really are stunning. I am not that great in what I am doing, hell I even have to learn about this stuff just now and my boss knows this and he said it doesn’t matter the only thing that matters is that I make the effort and learn through experience. Still I sometimes feel like I can’t do it. Like I don’t know anything about what I am doing.
I don’t want to speculate on whether it is EoG, EQ, LD or not, I just mention everything I notice here.
I also feel like … the way I view other things is being torn apart.
If you ask me what I think of xyz, I can’t really answer the question, although in the back of my mind I know the answer. But on the front it is like I don’t know anything about it and have no opinion.
I hope this makes sense.

EQ keeps pushing me into this dating-site-stuff. I wish it would help me more with the job and the business though… Today I had this voice in my head urging me to take a picture of myself and create an account on a dating app. I haven’t done so because… there are so many things I have to take care of before I do that and I am not even talking about confidence but about stuff like clothing, hygiene, time management, advancing in the job and the business etc etc etc.

I am very sleepy most of the time I come back home. Then I’d take a nap…

I know what I should be doing, what the next steps are regarding my business and the job… but when it comes to my business, there is a barrier of procrastination.

Edit: I also feel disconnected from god/ the universe somehow. I feel like I have been to much rushing stuff and using my intellect and haven’t taken the time to keep the connection. I will take care of that more.

Let’s hope everything is going as it is supposed to happen, that the necessary change is taking place right now, that I am protected and guided through this tempest to the light, amen.


#123

ST1 - Day 33 - 162h - 3/12/20 - 11 Loops of EQ - Post 2

Alright. I gave in. EQ won. I created an account, uploaded a pic and contacted a girl I liked.
Yes, I have never done this before.
Damn.


#124

ST1 - Day 34 - 162h - 3/13/20 - 11 Loops of EQ

My pic got deleted and they don’t show me her profile anymore.
Frustrasting, isn’t it?
Well, at least I tried I guess. Hope EQ is happy now and we can get back to business.


#125

ST1 - Day 34 - 162h - 3/13/20 - 11 Loops of EQ - Post 2

What the hell am I going to do with you, EQ…


#126

ST1 - Day 35 - 162h - 3/14/20

I got an idea inspired by AMASH. What do you think?

Monday: EoG ST1 6-12h
Tuesday: OFF
Wednesday: Limit Destroyer 6-12h
Thursday: OFF
Friday: EoG ST1 6-12h
Saturday: OFF
Sunday: OFF


#127

ST1&2 - Day 37 - 3/16/20

I think it is very important to live in a way that makes it easy for you if you have to finally depart from this world. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about Corona or something, I don’t think I will die from it or anything, it is just a thought that I am pondering. I’ve been to a really good restaurant a few days ago and enjoyed the food there. I thought when the world is gonna end, I will have at least one of my favorite meals for a last time.
Back to the thought, I think… it is important to finish our business here. To close the loops. To make our dreams come true.
So we can leave without resentment and sadness.


#128

ST1&2 - Day 38 - 3/17/20

Life has some crazy ways… Just when I was about to focus on business solely and completely, this happened and… changed a lot. In the past few days a process in me has started and it forces me into introspection.
It doesn’t matter if I want to or not. It just starts and I can’t stop it.

I have differing view points on this. One side of me just wants to move on, getbetter, achieve my goals and live life…this part is very confident and knows it will not die, because there are so many things left to experience.
And then there is this other side… that is tired.
Tired of continuous battle. of disappointments. of waiting. of my own shortcomings.
But also tired of the world in general. Tired of fearing someone might harm me. I might lose my reputation. Hostility. Hatred. of having to know what is going to happen next and always analyze everything. of fearing the future and regretting the past and being anxious in the present.
I guess this part actually wishes for the world to come to an end or at least to bring this one down so a new one can emerge. I don’t know. Maybe this world isn’t build for us humans in the first place. Maybe it is a machine world.
I don’t know.
I’m just tired. and sad.


#129

ST1&2 - Day 39 - 3/18/20

I think what I am doing is a good idea.
I am using the subs in a more intuitive way now, like this:

Monday: ST1 & ST 2
Wednesday: Limit Destroyer
Friday: ST1 & ST2

The other days of the week I don’t listen to subs. Guess this actually amplifies the results because the mind gets more time to process everything one by one.


#130

ST1&2 - Day 40 - 3/19/20

Day 1 in self-inflicted quarantine. I prepped quite a bit and I’m working remotely from home now.
A general recommendations of mine is not to worry about hours and become more intuitive. You know what I mean. So, I lend a book from my Boss, Deal!, by Jack Nashor, so I will still be able to improve in business, apart from my job. I plan to go into more introspective the coming time and come to terms with my inner demons. This is just the perfect opportunity for it.

I think this is a very magical time right now on Earth, everyone stays at home and has time to think about life. I also noticed many people started doing things they procrastinated on before, just little things but things that meant something to them because they just realized how they have stuffed their dreams up their whole life and now they think “Before I die, I want to do this”.
I think our world will never be the same again, in a good way. This is the first time in the history of mankind that an “event” like this takes place all over the world, in almost every country at the same time. Think about this.
Isolation forces people to change.

I am definitely going to spend more time contemplating and meditating upon this and I invite you to do the same.


#131

ST1&2 - Day 41 - 3/20/20

Day 2 in Quarantine. My flu got way better, it’s almost gone now. Got 2 offers to participate in skype-discussions for market research. It’s all remote now so that would be some easy cash here haha.
Today is ON day. ST1&ST2 all day long


#132

ST1&2 - Day 45 - 3/24/20

Pissed off with my job and don’t know why.
I either together with people who push too little or people who push too hard.
I perfectly understand people who want to push hard, work all day and become millionaires and stuff.
I thought I am the same. Now that I am sitting here in quarantine, I come to think that all I want from life right now is being able to pay my rent, don’t have to worry about money and how I spend it, have enough spare time for myself to date, meet friends, my hobbies, dive deep into spirituality etc.
I may go behind all the big money later but for now that is all I want.

Maybe I’ll never be the guy I thought I’d be, but I don’t want to think about business and read only about business and hear only about business all day. Money in and of itself is worthless, it’s just a currency to buy a more comfortable life.

I also think I… lost most of my ambition during my time in school. Now, I really don’t want to dwell in this school-stuff again, I just know for a very long time now that school destroyed parts of my energy to accomplish something. It’s like this:
I get motivated to start something new and it goes well. Then first obstacles appear and I am still fine.
Then another voice shows up and starts to point out all the negatives. That’s when I feel I don’t have the extra energy to push past this point.
This energy has been lost during the final years and months of school.
For me, it was hell. I hated school in general, I enjoyed elementary school but everything that came past it just broke me and I hated it like I do nothing else.
I guess this energy got all burned up when I tried not to break down in school, because teachers and students would literally shit on your patience. I used up all this energy not to go mad midst all this madness and instead I got heavy physical symptoms of stress manifesting as blockages all in my body, some of them are present til this day.

Since this time I notice this… tiredness inside me. This part of me is just tired of life and doesn’t want to achieve anything anymore. All it wants is to sit at the beach and watch the sunset.
That’s all I actually want from life.

Damn… I’m just 20 years old and I sound like a depressed war veteran sometimes… Not trying to make myself important, it just scares when I realize what I am saying.

I know this is the perfect opportunity and I just have to keep going. I’m just so grateful for being in quarantine, so noone at work notices how I feel like inside.
I know I can’t survive on my own like this and this is a great opportunity. I just have to figure out how to get this energy back.
I hope the quarantine continues for months to come.


#133

ST1&2 - Day 48 - 3/27/20

Ladies and gentlemen, a little update from out captain on our flight.
Well nothing to special, things are more back to normal now and I am on my way to continue just as usual. Usual meaning I do my job, and I do it very well, and then I go into the deepest parts of my psyche to discover what’s going in life in general and enjoy the trip.
I continue with the schedule I shared with you (ST1+ST2 on Monday and Friday, LD on Wednesday) and I still think this is a great idea, I seem to make much more progress now than before.
Apart from that I also use other stuff hehe.

Time starts to dissolve. 1 day feels like 1.5 and 2 days. Every day is the same as yesterday. I don’t know what is happening inside my psyche anymore, what is surfacing and what is healing and what not. I just know I get deeper and deeper into this magnificent world and closer to the point of absolute chaos. He who seeks to be strong, let him pray for chaos.


#134

Oh, I forgot to mention, people here are still running around freely, 80-90% still with no protection measurements. I forgot to say that because I got used to the fact that people here have a serious death wish (for everyone). This means the situation at my place here is probably going to become very horrible very soon (Maybe something like NY) which means quarantine will continue for a long, long time.
Great, there are lots of books I got to read.