ST1 - Day 33 - 162h - 3/12/20 - 10 Loops of EQ
I had very little exposure to EoG yesterday. I feel like I should continue with ST1 until I get my first sale.
Also my journaling is off. I don’t really take time for it. I will make a new entry after I post this one.
What should I say… I am between heaven and hell every day.
Heaven when I feel confident and think about work and my business.
Hell when I get stressed and get buried below loads of fear and anxiety.
There are many things I want to do and things I am supposed to do but I feel paralyzed.
I ask myself “Why am I like this? Why?”
Sometimes I feel like an imposter. I saw the applications of other people wo applied for the job I now have and some of them really are stunning. I am not that great in what I am doing, hell I even have to learn about this stuff just now and my boss knows this and he said it doesn’t matter the only thing that matters is that I make the effort and learn through experience. Still I sometimes feel like I can’t do it. Like I don’t know anything about what I am doing.
I don’t want to speculate on whether it is EoG, EQ, LD or not, I just mention everything I notice here.
I also feel like … the way I view other things is being torn apart.
If you ask me what I think of xyz, I can’t really answer the question, although in the back of my mind I know the answer. But on the front it is like I don’t know anything about it and have no opinion.
I hope this makes sense.
EQ keeps pushing me into this dating-site-stuff. I wish it would help me more with the job and the business though… Today I had this voice in my head urging me to take a picture of myself and create an account on a dating app. I haven’t done so because… there are so many things I have to take care of before I do that and I am not even talking about confidence but about stuff like clothing, hygiene, time management, advancing in the job and the business etc etc etc.
I am very sleepy most of the time I come back home. Then I’d take a nap…
I know what I should be doing, what the next steps are regarding my business and the job… but when it comes to my business, there is a barrier of procrastination.
Edit: I also feel disconnected from god/ the universe somehow. I feel like I have been to much rushing stuff and using my intellect and haven’t taken the time to keep the connection. I will take care of that more.
Let’s hope everything is going as it is supposed to happen, that the necessary change is taking place right now, that I am protected and guided through this tempest to the light, amen.