ST1&2 - Day 64 - 4/12/20
I am rethinking a few things about my schedule. I will listen more on tueday and thursday, but have the weekend off. Since I don’t care about immediate results I just assume that everything that happens now is part of my EOG-journey, which is part of my greater journey, which is part of my life-journey.
Meaning I stop thinking too much about the subliminals and what they are supposed to be doing and just go on with my life and let it be in the background.
A funny thing that I noticed though is how perfect this manifestation is.
Not only will I get paid very well for my age in a few months and not only do I learn everything about online marketing that I wanted to learn, I also get to reap all the benefits of coachings, books etc. I desire but are too expensive for me to buy. For example my boss just bought a coaching for multiple thousand dollars (I got to ask him much it was exactly, I think about 2000)
which is supposed to teach me elite knowledge about Online Marketing (Sorry for my bad English today btw, my brain is a bit foggy)
So, that’s another reason why I love my job. I don’t have to stress out about who is a liar, a scammer and what the price is, I just got to prove my value, which I did by now, show him what I want and why I think it will help me get the company more profit and he pays for it.
About my personal life: It’s been the definition of chaos, bluntly speaking. Everything collapsed.
The death of a dear friend, depression, addiction, laziness and lethargy, losing weigth, breaking my almost 10 month streak of working out 3 times a week, …
I know it is for a greater good and I had many insights from it. One of which is that it doesn’t matter. None of this is who I am. I realised this when he died and I saw the police and everyone around me started crying. I worked on my list of things I absolutely want to do before I die.
I identified 7 points altogether that are important to me. They aren’t really much and I will achieve them over the course of the next half year/year. It really isn’t that crazy.
I don’t know if I should share it with you or if you even care, if so just let me know and I will elaborate on it.
This list isn’t my last wish or something and I don’t plan to die after I completed it, if that is what you think. It is just the last to inner peace. I don’t care about what happens past that point.
Of course I will still have ambitions and goals, but I won’t regret dying.
I don’t want to get cocky now and say I don’t fear death, no one can tell until it is the time to die.
But I want to truly understand death to truly enjoy life.
If there is one thing that I have learned during this quarantine than it is that authority is a lie. We actually obey an illusion of fear. Of course we all obey authorities in one way or another, but I learned how ridiculous it is to fear authorities and their judgement.
What weight does any authority or judgement of this world hold in the face of death?
It is not real and beyond this little world, in the place of eternity, where we all are truly free, it means even less.
If this realisation is the reward for me enduring above described things being taken from me, than I ask life to take away even more from me, because all that can be taken away from me, is not real and only reveals who I truly am.
With that out of the way let’s talk about what my plans for now are. My plans are to reestablish a routine and take more care of my businesses, which means scheduled posts and stuff. You know, the annoying stuff noone wants to do.
I started doing so with 2 of my “businesses”, which don’t bring me any real money. One of them brings me some bucks here and there, my goal is to make it more profitable. The other thing, a blog I have, doesn’t make any money in the near future, it is more a way of building reputation, a following and a mailing list when I start to pursue my hobby of creating games and drawing.
The other one, my design business, has been rotting in the corner these past weeks. I will change that and build an actual and active social media presence to promote my designs there.
I put far too much effort into the designs to let it all go to waste now. I won’t let my laziness destroy my goals anymore.
All in all, interesting journey so far, hope you guys are doing well on your own journey.
See you soon