Haven’t been doing EmperorQ for the past few days as I wanted to focus on running Alchemist ST1.
The theme of my thoughts today is “freedom”
I’ve been feeling very very constrained and restricted due to the lockdown measures here, and the situation in my country isn’t improving.
Looking back at last night’s dream, it seemed to point out to me that we don’t live once in this world, die off, and let the earth keep spinning for another few billion years with human civilization having lasted for maybe less than 100,000 years.
Wow, did God create such an expansive universe only to send his son down to be crucified and save humanity which would be live for 0.0000000000000000000000001% of the universe’s existence?
That couldn’t be the case.
Anyway, I have been feeling trapped inside my body. And this feeling of being trapped is particularly severe today.
For 3 years, I’ve been working from home since I left my job overseas due to some mental health issues (a mixture of depression, low self-confidence, trauma and anxiety). I have been working and living in the home that I first started living in 2 decades ago.
I don’t own this place by the way, so I’m not the one calling the shots and therefore there is a lack of freedom and privacy which I have learned to treasure since my time spent overseas.
My goals upon returning home were originally to spend more time doing business in other countries and travelling frequently, but as I had to focus on resolving family debts (of no fault of mine) along with many missed business opportunities overseas and finally being played out by some business partners overseas, I gave up on those business ventures and focused on a more solitary soloprepreneur type of working style, where I didn’t have much opportunity to go out and meet more people. Furthermore, a lot of my clients were based overseas.
In the period before the lockdown, and before the coronavirus outbreak, business was actually picking up. Also, I could still also aim at closing down my company and looking for a job so that I could spend more time working outside and really meet more people.
However, everything has simply turned into dust after the lockdown.
Everyday, I feel trapped physically now with the lockdown as well as trapped emotionally as things seem not to be moving in my life anymore. I also feel trapped spiritually.
A strong belief looms in me that the world will never be the same after this crisis and I am in the process of re-evaluating all my goals, my current situation, and how I can best make use of the opportunities presented by the post COVID-19 world.
On the bright side, there have been some signs of synchronicity in my life that point towards the eventual achievement of some of my most desired goals through certain events that are linked in a very subtle manner.