SubliminalGuy's Dragon Reborn Journal


#364

@subliminalguy

I’m still wondering if fewer loops and more rest days might be helpful for you.


#365

Resting today RV. I know I’ve been dismissing it from my own awareness. I’m grateful now you brought this up to me.

In fact, in the last 24 hours, I’ve been seeing some blatant dismissal of my actions. I spent New Year’s Eve with my sister since she’s been reflecting my own patterns, and I clearly saw and owned some with her. Repeatedly last night, I’d do this emotional volleying with her (me trying to deny my own actions)–and when I listened and did not defend, I’d see it. She and I are a LOT alike in that manner. In our individual lives, we’re slowly backing off our defenses which hurt us, and it is incredibly freeing to do this.

Regarding recon, I’ve been dealing with some today. Like I’m slightly emotionally overcooked. Will do a break until Monday morning.


#366

Also, I’m on my fourth day in a row of rest. I listened to my subs for 2 days, and I really needed a break.


#367

I woke up this morning and before doing anything important, I downloaded Rebirth Q onto my phone. I wondered if it might de-pressurize my recon that’s been building.

It didn’t do anything with recon, but I did feel better and different about my healing. While on DR, I’ve not been so reflective. I’ve not seen before and after images in my mind. But I did this morning. I’ve not used Rebirth in ages, but it was really refreshing to me.


#368

Paging @Simon here.

I did 30 days on St1, then moved on to St2. I quickly saw my old patterns I’d been using to hide me from growing, so I came back to St1. I’ve been back on St1 for (about) 4 days.

I’m wondering what might be a good plan to move forward. I’ve failed doing an all or nothing approach (maybe due to unknown recon).

St1 longer?
Stacking St1 and St2?

I’m seeking to both experience needed changes prompted by St1–but I’m also seeking to move forward. I’m seriously questioning myself (aka doubting myself: recon)

So, I’ll ask for an outside perspective.


#369

@subliminalguy I would do what I’m doing. Stick with Dragon Reborn and not anything else. I’m curious if that’s why you are having such intense emotions and reconciliation.


#370

I only put in Elixer a few days ago for a single loop, then Rebirth Q for a single loop.

Simultaneously, I’m seeing me trying to volley with you @JCast (like I did with my sister last night. I’m trying to hide something from myself). Me doing this–I’ve done it before. It’s me trying to avoid change…

I spent last night at my sister’s. Before returning home, I felt pained imagining me coming home and repeating these patterns.

How might I do something different when alone? I’m seeking to take some action, but on what? When I open my eyes, I see it.


#371

I’ve seen your repeated kind responses @COWolfe, and I have not responded.

Your kindness touches me. I was afraid to respond since it felt brotherly, and that’s been a feeling I’ve both desired and have been fearful of. I’m not ok with staying fearful, and I’d like you to know that. My silence is not about you. I just don’t wish to vomit my unhealed traumas on you and damage our relationship. I’d like to keep and grow this relationship. I’m right in the middle of some healing now, and I’m unsure which way I’m going presently. My norms are being redefined. Thank you for being there for me lately.


#372

And @JCast,

My sister shared something she’s experienced, and I see it in my own experience here at SC.

I’m jealous of you.

You’ve grown a lot incredibly. You’ve aired big and small successes and setbacks, and you’ve remained on your journey here. Myself, I’ve kept trying to dissociate from many feelings and memories, and also from relationships here, you being one I’ve tried to do that with. However, the sadness and self-blame from doing this remains.

I’ve not seen or read you dealing with such issues, and I’m…jealous. I compare and think “I’m failing here”.

I don’t know where to go after sharing that, but I thought I’d be open with you. I shared such things with my sister, and doing so allowed for us to open up more. The end result was us seeing a lot of similarities–and less fear and friction. I saw I have the choice of being cold–or caring. Being caring gave much nicer returns.


#373

Thank you for saying what I’ve been thinking!

@subliminalguy Have you considered resting 2 or 3 days, re-evaluating… and then when the pressure in your head ceases, start with 1 loop of DR only per day for a few days before adding anything else?

And I’m jealous of @JCast 's progress too. :grin:


#374

Yes. I’m seeking to make progress, so I’ll do that next week. Thank you.


#375

Why? I still have a fuck ton to work on


#376

And you’ve already done a lot already. How much have your curtailed your impulsiveness? That is usually something that can take someone 6 months to make some progress. Yet you’ve reduced it noticeably in weeks.

Remember, I said I was jealous of your PROGRESS.


#377

Not enough because I blew $50 the other day which I instantly regretted


#378

I can understand the sentiment.

However, I stand by what I said. I can see and read your posts. You sound like you’re very different than 2 months ago. Please remember to catch yourself doing things “right” more than catching yourself doing things “wrong”.


#381

@subliminalguy have you heard of Ayahuasca for emotional healing ? Plant medicine for healing deep-seated emotional and psychological issues by clearing your subconscious mind, the body and the energetic system of negative energies. I heared it is very powerful.


#382

Advocating illegal drugs? That’s always a great idea


#383

I heard is better than weed.

Drugs are illegal where I live though, and I can see the benefits of a drug-free society.


#384

Lol… it’s legal where I am from (Amsterdam). But suppose putting healing in the hands of government regulations is the sanest path


#385

That CAN be very beneficial, but you need to be under the direction of someone who really knows what they’re doing. Plus, prison is horrible for anyone’s self development journey. It didn’t do me any favors, and I was on the good side of the bars.