TMB - EoG/E:HoM


#1062

Put down?

HAHA

You used labeling in response to my mirroring about mirroring, I used labeling in response to your labeling.

Sounds like you’re really understanding this shit…


#1063

:joy::joy::joy:

I tried hahaha.

Have you used mirroring and labelling in a text kind of way, besides this of course, before?

Trying to do it so people can’t tell I’m not just repeating their messages back to them :joy:


#1064

lmao!!

With Chris Voss stuff you can repeat back directly in person (use selectively)
but over text it’s a little transparent.


#1065

I do it quite a bit in text. Just 2-3 words or whatever fits in context of the convo.
I’ve yet to be called out on it. Well, the only time I did get called out is AFTER I explained to the other person what I was doing after about an hour. But that hour led to some solid convo.

It’s fan-damn-tastic.

In my customer service job, they (like every other customer service job I’ve had) emphasize the importance of “paraphrasing in your own words so the customer feels you paid attention.”

WRONG!

Once I took Voss’ masterclass and read “Never Split the Difference” after the masterclass, I started doing his style of mirroring. It invariably gets customers to explain further and help me understand better why they’re calling. And you can no-shit hear them LIGHT UP. The neuroscience/NLP answer for why is that people use certain neural networks to come up with the exact words and phrases they come up with.

If you “Paraphrase,” you are giving them back different words which MIGHT fire up some of those exact same neural networks. But might NOT.

Using their own exact words (and best approximation body language if in person, without outright mimicking), it fires up those SAME EXACT neural networks again, and that makes them really feel understood.

Whether you actually understood or NOT is secondary…It’s about how they perceive your skill as a communicator at the deeper levels this stuff operates on.

Fascinating shit.


#1066

Yeah I definitely find it easier to do in person as I’ve been doing it with my boyfriend and he didn’t even realise but I’m trying to focus on my socials and creating relationships with people, I just don’t want it to be mirror mirror mirror, so I have to start adding stuff in without taking away from the technique.


#1067

Interesting for sure, I’m excited to use it. I’ve been holding back. I’ve used it a tiny bit in text but not so much that I get called out on it.

It’s just so simple that I feel like I’m doing something wrong but I love it haha.

Interesting to know. This actually made me question when I did it with you, do you have to use the exact wording? I think I replaced you with I on one bit of text, do I need use exact wording completely?

Edit: I just read your next bit, but even that one word counts as paraphrasing - right?

I really need to finish his masterclass and get a copy of his book. It makes me excited. I was totally into his masterclass and then boom, off the wagon. I didn’t even listen to it yesterday. I need to today though, I’m motivated to.

I’ll keep in mind about the paraphrasing for sure as it’s very useful information. Like I said, I’ve used it a little and tried to just ensure I used the same wording.


#1068

You don’t have to do it a lot. It’s conversational, so only use it as needed.

If you haven’t watched the demo sessions in the masterclass yet, that will show what I mean.

An example of my use in my job is:

Customer: My phone isn’t working.
Me: Isn’t working?
Customer: Yeah, it’s stuck on the power up screen and not going further.

At that point, that’s all I need for that part. It caused the to elaborate without me asking too much, it kept them talking more (which people LOVE most of the time)


#1069

That makes sense. Yeah I’ve been watching the demo classes. I just haven’t watched it in about a week.

I just downloaded his audiobook and Beyond The Book course, along with some other courses.

Excited to listen and learn.

My thinking was that I’d have to mirror most sentences. I just have to be wise with what I mirror.

Labelling I understand but not the execution too much.


#1070

With mirroring, you’re using their exact words (or close, doesn’t have to be perfec) to either get them to deepen rapport, or to gather more information.

With labeling, it’s almost like you’re taking your current understanding of the situation and “testing” it out.

You: Sounds like you might be stressed.
Them: Not sure stressed is the right word, but I’m definitely flustered.
You: Ah. ok, yeah I’d be flustered too. (using that same exact word to deepen the rapport by re-firing their neural network that led to use of that particular word).


#1071

Workout and dance video done and edited.

Emperor seems to be giving me the push I need.
I’m motivated and pretty determined to be honest.


#1072

This makes sense to me, and makes it easier for me to understand for sure.

So I was going to message you about this - I have a situation where I told a guy my ‘thing’ (my fetish) and he didn’t reply. He saw the message and didn’t reply. So I could label that right?

‘Looks like I made you feel uncomfortable’ ‘seems like you’re uncomfortable’

Stuff like that would be a possibility?

I’m on chapter 4/5 of his book so far and also watching his Beyond The Book course.


#1073

In Chris’ book he says the best way to get someone to reply when they’ve stopped replying is by asking a “no” question. Not sure exactly what you could ask this person but a “no” question is the way to get them talking again.


#1074

I see, I can’t remember what the chapter was about last night (I wrote notes as it was late) but I don’t think he went into the no section yet. I watched the masterclass version but I’ll wait to see what he says in the book about it.

Edit: it was the section for no. I may have to listen to it again. I remember the title, beware the yes, go for no or something like that.


#1075

Great man!

I knew you could do it.


#1076

“Have you been a plate of leftovers in a past life?”


#1077

You stop that right now :joy::joy::joy:


#1078

Thanks man! It’ll be posted tonight!


#1079

Austin Powers had this technique down cold. “Do I make you HOOOORNY, baby?”


#1080

This just reminds me of Tiktok.


#1081

Funnily enough, yes! :wink: