Spent last night helping the wife wrap gifts. And then did some personal work. Got to sleep around 2am.
Not really sure why, but yesterday, I’ve been getting antsy and easily angered. Maybe it’s reconciliation. Maybe because I personally didn’t like the video I sent for the conference, and that if given the time, I could have done better. Maybe because the people in the office are starting to piss me off again. I am on leave till next year. But nobody wants to do a damn thing and are waiting for me to do work.
In any case, woke up around 8-ish. Couldn’t get back to sleep because I’ve been thinking about the conference. Things like:
- If I only had a “quiet” place of my own, I could have done it live.
- If I had more time, I could have done it better.
- If if if if…
I know it just ifs. But I can’t shake the fact that even through a recording, I feel stupid. I have always had a hard time presenting in public. And this should have been a breeze since it’s pre-recorded and that I didn’t really need to see my audience. So why do I still feel jittery about it?