To Shayul Ghul and Back


#161

DAY46(update)

Lazy. As in didn’t really want to work on office stuff today.

Although, I must say, I felt like working on other stuff not related to the office.

However, I’m mentally kicking myself right now because I feel bad for not having worked on office stuff.


#162

DAY47(early update)

Not sure if it’s the lack of sleep, reconciliation or just me. Been feeling rather pissed today. One of my kids woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t sleep. Wife had to sleep in the kid’s room.

Now, it turns out, my other kid has a test that he needs help with. A frigging test. And he’s asking for my help. I know that he’s in the spectrum and my wife would kill me if I refuse. But it goes against every thing in me to help with a test. Honesty and all that crap.

I don’t know…

Oh well. Que sera sera…


#163

DAY47(update)

Had some pain in my lower back again. Been going on for about 2 days now. So instead of using ElixirU, I tried ParagonU to help. I ended up playing 2 loops each of DR ST1 and LEU, and 1 loop of ParagonU.

I do believe that ParagonU helped with the back pain. Although, I think it got me sleepy, I actually ended up falling asleep about halfway while listening to it.

I know I should be grateful today. My refinance got approved, closing and signing would be next week. So my monthly expenses would be reduced greatly. My crypto account increased due to bitcoin’s boom, though I don’t really have that much to bitcoin to begin with. And I still got a job.

But, the dishwasher sprung a very bad leak today. Not sure how much it’ll cost to repair it. Afraid it would be better to simply buy a new one. Flooring warped because of the leak. I mean, I was planning on replacing the flooring (hence the refinance), but I feel that it’s being rushed because of this. And I don’t even have the cash right now to have the dishwasher fixed.

So yeah. I feel like it’s a bit of both. Happy that I’m seeing a better cash flow. And the all of a sudden, I feel crappy because the flow is heading straight to someone else’s pockets.

I’m actually thinking of going straight to EoG once DR is done.

Oh well… Que sera sera…


#164

I think that’s only temporary, and is a sign of the shifts that you’re making.

Enlarging a ship while it’s currently out on the water is a tricky thing. And even if you get it right, some water’s going to get inside. You’ll dump it out afterwards.

Re: EoG. What’s your take on Ascended Mogul in relation to EoG? Did you already run Mogul or Ascended Mogul? I haven’t. Ecstasy of Gold was my first ever subliminal with Sub Club.

I’ve sometimes thought that if I were starting out again, somehow having magical access to my current hindsight, I might begin with Mogul. Probably for 1-3 months at least. Then I’d move to Ascended Mogul.

I don’t know. I’m not completely sure about this, but my tendency now is to think that the prerequisite for working with Ecstasy of Gold should be that you have 1-3 money-making projects/ventures already going. That’s not a hard and fast rule or anything. Just a guideline that’s likely to bring the program online faster.


#165

This is some solid advice my hope is that even tho i haven’t launch my by running my custom from the start to the end of development it will help me out, so by the time i launch the eog st4 core will be working along with all module bring even more wealth


#166

I do hope you’re right.

Yeah. Sometimes, I feel just like that. I’m trying to expand everything, and yet, lots of shit come along. “Dumping it out” is an apt metaphor.

I ran both some time ago. Helped with productivity and had me stop complaining about all the crap at the office. Had me focus more on what I was supposed to be working on. However, I believe that I still have a lot of hang-ups with regards to wealth and prosperity. Something about my Catholic upbringing I guess. “Blessed are the poor” and all that.

Thanks. I’ll keep this in mind. I do have a few “projects” in mind. Though I’m not sure if it will be profitable. Heck, I’m not even sure how they can be monetized. But maybe EoG would help with that.


#167

DAY48

Today was supposed to be a rest day. However, I had a very painful headache again. Decided to listen to ParagonU. After 1 loop, the pain subsided, but it was still there. Maybe because I was also carrying groceries from the car and doing other stuff while listening.

Decided to play a second loop while napping. When I woke up an hour later, the headache was a dull throb and very manageable.

Aside from the headache, there’s nothing much to write about. Got my wife to agree with a short-term financial plan I had in mind for the floor repairs (due to both the leak from the dishwasher, and the damage caused about a year ago I wrote about in a journal here somewhere). At least she wouldn’t be pestering me about the timeline and about the finances. If ever I feel that we may be overspending on stuff we don’t need, I think I can always remind her about the “plan”.


#168

It’s just an idea. And like most advice, it’s probably primarily relevant to the one giving it. I’m very slow and gradual to take action. I don’t get the sense of that same extent of slowness from you. So, it’s quite possible that by the time you pass through stage 1 or stages 1 and 2, you’ll already be up and running with some great ideas.

For myself, I found that I really needed more work on the expression of my will, and bringing my internal values and ideas into outward expression. That’s what led me to begin integrating Alchemist and Quantum Limitless earlier than originally planned.

Committing to tithe and contribute would be a good at least short-term strategy for mollifying such beliefs or hang-ups. They’re not bad in and of themselves (in my opinion obviously). Well, that’s probably a bit facile of me. I know it’s probably not that simple. I grew up with the Beatitudes as well, but–I don’t know when it happened–the sense of disdain for wealth somehow disappeared along the way.

One thing I am clear on, if I become a financial millionaire, I want to be a spiritual billionaire. The money is like the part of the iceberg that sticks above the water. The spiritual foundation is that huge mountain beneath the water’s surface. I don’t find much contradiction between them, but I’m clear on which is the higher priority.

Here’s another thought. You’ve probably already thought of this, but I’ll say it again. You’re already wealthy compared to most people in the world. It’s not just a thought experiment. It’s the literal truth. The only reason you don’t feel wealthy is due to the selective attention of social comparison. Then again, no matter how much you make in the next 2 years, you’ll still be poor compared to Bezos and Musk. hahaha. So why not be a blessedly poor millionaire? hahaha.


#169

New food for thought. I guess my “driving” force right now is not really becoming a multitrillionaire, but being able to make sure that my family will be taken care of even after I am gone.


#170

DAY49

Nothing much to write about today. Woke up to a headache. And as much as I didn’t want to listen to any subs, I just felt that I needed to play ParagonU. Fell asleep while listening. But at least the headache dissipated after I woke up.

Aside from that, nothing much today. Was just binge watching kid movies with the family today. I really didn’t want to think of nor do anything. Reconciliation? I don’t know.

I’ve decided that tomorrow, I’ll start with DR ST2. Hopefully after 7 weeks of DR ST1, I’d have taken enough punishment.


#171

DR ST2 DAY1(early update)

Did my morning meditation shortly after waking up then proceeded to listen to DR ST2.

Shortly after listening, I remembered a few things from my past. Things I’d rather not revisit. Not sure if it’s healing or what. But instead of feeling pain, I felt some sadness.

I just finished playing LEU. And found out that I have a pretty loaded schedule for today. No meetings, but a lot of tasks.

Oh well… Que sera sera…


#172

I don’t think I’ve said this yet, but I appreciate how consistent you are with your journals. You, @mecharc and @COWolfe are my idols for journaling consistently. I need to get better about journaling.


#173

Glad you’re inspired @realbillperry.


#174

DR ST2 DAY1(update)

Played 2 loops each of DR ST2 and LEU and 1 loop of ElixirU. Not sure why, but I feel so sleepy throughout the day. Actually took a nap while listening to ElixirU. Not sure if it’s the weather, the fact that I only slept for a little over 5 hours last night (which has been my normal lately), or because of everything I’ve been doing lately.

Wife and I agreed that if we were to either repair the dishwasher or buy a new one, it would be best if we had the flooring fixed first. The laminates warped not just in the kitchen, but the area outside the 1st floor bathroom warped a year ago (about the time of my first journal). So instead of “fixing” the flooring, we might as well change it up with a water-proof one (plus the fact that it would be difficult to get the same laminates previously used).

As for the dishwasher, if we got it fixed prior to the floor, we would still need to remove it in order to also replace the damaged flooring. I’m afraid that by doing so, it might actually cause other problems to the dishwasher setup.

The thing is, I don’t have the cash right now to do all that. So I’m currently helping the wife do the dishes. And given that we have a big family, that means lots of dishes, pots, pans, etc to wash.

Aside from the kitchen duties, I still have work that I feel is like getting sucked inside a black hole. So I don’t know.

I’m actually thinking of removing ElixirU tomorrow and see if I feel better. Not sure really. But ultimas can be very tiring (I felt so tired everytime I ran BLU). And at the same time, I feel the need for LEU’s productivity push.

Oh well… Que sera sera…


#175

DR ST2 DAY2(early update)

Slept a little past 11 last night. This is earlier than usual. I tried studying for that certification I signed up for, but I keep nodding off, or my wife keeps asking questions about other stuff. Finally decided that I may need a break.

Woke up still sleepy. Not sure if the extra hour of sleep helped or not. Either way, I’m feeling a bit jumping this morning.

Did my morning meditation and then played DR ST2. Not sure why, but when my kids start misbehaving, I feel that it’s a direct attack against me. This is especially true when one of them answers back.

Oh well. Que sera sera…


#176

DR ST2 DAY2(update)

Noticed that since I’ve been playing my DR-LEU stack, I rarely check my social media. Before, I’d go on instagram, FB, and even LinkedIn almost every hour. Now, I only check them at night. I noticed that when I check, my feed is looooonnnngggg, so it was then that I realized that I’m checking social media less and less.

So today, I opted not to play ElixirU. Just went with 2 loops each of DR ST2 and LEU. Can’t say much regarding productivity today. It feels like I’m still dragging myself just to do some work.

Right now, I’m torn between watching a movie or studying… Sometimes, I feel that I just want to immerse myself in some movie and forget about all my troubles…

Oh well… Que sera sera…


#177

DR ST2 DAY3(early update)

Decided to watch a movie last night. Not sure why I felt so fucked up last night. Maybe because yesterday’s team meeting felt so uninspiring and even nauseating. Maybe because I was thinking of all the expenses and repairs that need to be done in and around the house. Or maybe because the whole world just felt so fucked up. In either case, I stayed up till midnight just watching a frigging cartoon movie.

And since I only got a little over 5 hours sleep, I still feel fucking sleepy. Somehow, I’m going back to my fuckity fuck fucking self, just mouthing off fuck and more fuck. Reconciliation is a bitch I guess.

In any case, tried to meditate this morning, though I don’t feel like I achieved what I wanted out of it. Played a loop of DR ST2 shortly after. Will be playing a loop of LEU in a while.

Oh well… Que sera sera…


#178

Just remembered that i have to add meditation to my journal, dont play around with sleep i feel like the 8 hour of sleep help me with processing


#179

I try to sleep more on weekends and holidays. However, with kids and work, it’s difficult to sleep for more than 6 hours. Especially when I can’t really work while I’m acting as both tech support and tutor for my kids who are currently attending classes via distance learning (aka zoom meetings).


#180

DR ST2 DAY3 (update)

Played 2 loops each of DR ST2 and LEU today. Somehow, I feel that not playing ElixirU (or limiting to just 1 Ultima sub) helps with tiredness. Not as tired as when I was playing 2 loops of LEU and a loop of ElixirU.

Was able to accomplish the minimum amount of work required by the office. Spent most of my day either doing household chores, helping my kids with their homework or coming up with content for my blog. I haven’t posted anything on my blog since early November, as I was too focused on the conference presentation last month.

I have the content and the outline ready for my blog post. Will probably start working on it tomorrow.

Saw that a company I applied to, almost 2 years ago, is hiring for the same position I applied for. I then checked the feedback from them (the recruiter was friendly enough to send the interviewer feedback), and saw that the knowledge I lacked was actually what is found in the training I have signed up for. That gave me incentive to work harder on the training.

And at the same time, it also made me sad since, looking back at all the applications I have sent, all the interviews I went to, and all the hoops I’ve jumped through, there are a lot of things I don’t know and need to know.

Oh well… Que sera sera…