Ultima - is this thing on?


#41

Overdid it with the flexibility training yesterday and my knee is not happy with me. Will do regular workout but skip the floor work if it hurts.

Skipped my reiki meditation till way later and kept zoning out as it was close to my bedtime. It also felt like I sunk into it and it flowed slower around me.

Dreams:

covid and gatherings and food and at the end helping old dudes shoot their shot with Naomi Campbell and other supermodels. (I don’t even know at this point)

Cyborgs, implants, fanatics and mad scientists, dates with someone in a profession I would never consider dating they were conventionally very attractive but too bland. Dogs that can be saved in little hexagonal metal chips with an icon engraved.

———
Waiting for Godot… or just stage II of ultima.


#42

Stage II

My head is tingling like I’m meditating on the crown chakra and/or that one time the energy healer treated me with Celestine gold reiki. Trippy.

This is the first listen. It might be the only one today if the tingles continue.

14:14 into it.

Tingles feel more like a gentle massage at times. Pulses radiating at the front to middle of my scalp.


#43

Uhm… why are you still on (B) instead of Stage 2? :thinking:


#44

Typo :smile:


#45

Second loop of stage II. Tingling not as bad. Feeling a lil sleepy but I have an odd sleep schedule.

Real test will be how bad my tinnitus is after all the music/sounds are off.


#46

Listened to 2.A while meditating. Didn’t get intense head tingles. was very efficient this morning and a meeting got canceled so I can go and do a bit of early-ish grocery shopping nearby.

Remembered mid reiki that I had to validate something in prod environment for my team. luckily I still timed it right so once I was done I could quickly confirm. Then had just enough time to get a workout in and shower before the first meeting. My internal clock timing has been on point even when I don’t pay attention to the exact numbers.

Don’t remember my dreams at all. I might have remembered the first, but I kept willing myself back to sleep because I woke up too early. Listened to 2.A way later than I would have normally yesterday so it kept me awake I think.

Did this little video for self love/esteem. Was recommended to me a while back by someone and I just got around to doing it. There’s a bunch of chatter around it but it starts at 34:20ish

https://youtu.be/NciUpdkv6F8

Someone snipped just the meditation part out but then the creator (Marisa Peer) commented on his video so not sure how long it will be up:

https://youtu.be/BEL5M5y08R0

Finished 42 days of reiki meditation so then there 3 months before the third level of absorbing and continuing to practice.

Think I’m having a bit of ooh shiny object syndrome but with meditation. Trying to keep the reiki consistent if nothing else.

The tinnitus is getting annoying. It’s been increasing in volume since I meditate more + directly after waking, but also could be the subs. It’s not painful just so noticeable unless I have music playing.

I don’t play anything loudly unless it’s a too quiet YouTube video but my ears have always been sensitive.


#47

Just started my second loop of 2.A

Had to stay up to help an engineer with something and threw my sleep schedule off so I’m meh and it was hard to get to sleep when I could.

Not feeling the same euphoria as 1.A. Since I’ve listened to stark for a month and change before this I wonder what the difference is.

Still impulse buying little things online like they’ll fill some lack or boredom.

I remember that my dreams were rather benign and vague silhouettes of people but nothing more. This is odd and I’m not sure if I should be upset about it yet. Mostly just observing.


#48

Not sure if it’s because it’s stark with new tech but listening this morning felt like a chore. It’s just not as exciting as last week. Itching to get back to running aegis and to decide what my next custom will be (if not the mind’s eye, alchemist st4, ultimate artist one I have in the back of my mind). Thinking of a wealth generation focused one.

I remembered more of my dreams this morning but I didn’t write it down soon enough so that’s gone to ether. My father was in them and a bunch of rooms. Meh. Perhaps a little brain fog reconciliation going on. I did fall asleep with all the lights on.
the 4 new workout days in a row caught up.

Questioning a bunch of things about my routine. Seeking efficiency. Exhausted from talking about d&i and not seeing enough action/change.


#49

I dreamed and remembered…

Stayed up past my bedtime and had a little sleep paralysis annoyance right before drifting off (you know when you feel something grabbing/annoying you accompanied by some auditory interference). Turned on a 417hz video and went to sleep.

There was a bed that belonged to a friend (but it looked like my old room at home) behind it was a table with a dark (green?) cloth draped behind it and two candles. I mentioned the hazard of fire and they immediately went out on their own.

I adopted a black kitten and someone else had one. They were playing with toys on strings in a room that was, but also wasn’t, like my mom’s. I had to pull paper and like a circular calendar from my kitten’s mouth as he had swallowed it

Eric Andre showed up and talked about worrying about parasites/bacteria in the water that he kept his invisilign / mouth guard in. (I do wear a night guard for clenching)

There was a huge, bright, library and I was going through the top most shelves on a ladder. I think I was searching for something to combat an enemy but can’t be sure.

———
Listening to 2.a again this morning x2. Didn’t feel the resistance I felt yesterday. I got way more sleep last night.

Work-wise I have a lot in store for me and I have to work on the storytelling aspect. Past a certain level it’s more about who knows what you’re doing beyond actually orchestrating the work of multiple teams. I tend to always put that on the back burner because introvert + public speaking nerves. Seeking a mentor at a high level who’s been through similar at the company. Just have to actually email them.

I just really need to actually buckle down and focus. In this wfh world I tend to let things sit because there are fewer real deadlines beyond monthly things. Need to stop putting my professional development on the back burner. Also need to get better at saying no to meetings.

——
I sometimes wonder if the crystals I wear have an effect. 4 on my right and three on my left. I just got the Prehnite yesterday and the sleep paralysis thing happened. Hopefully not related. I do smudge them with palo santo just in case.

R: 8mm or smaller in diameter
Labradorite with black onxy
Aquamarine
Prehnite
Citrine

L:10mm or so
Smoky quartz with hematite
Lapis lazuli
Black tourmaline

Standalone near my bed:
Carnelian + black onyx (my lower chakras are partially blocked)

Arriving soon but I don’t know what I’ll do with them:
Herkimer diamond
Moldavite
Quartz crystal I just thought was pretty


#50

When you write your novel, please make this the first sentence. Or the first sentence of one of the chapters. That’d be dope.


#51

My dreams had a “place” with a food prep/ buffet area and someone ate the last of the bread I wanted to make a BLT out of. It was all young professional men in crappy tailored shirts and plain ties.

There was a Gepetto like mentor (at least his hair and clothing) that would drive us around in a striped mustang with bucket seats earlier in the dream.

Was in a room with a round table and chatting with people I don’t remember.

Later on the mentor and I were going to revisit the car and he activated the engine with a remote but it was beyond a wall and I woke up before we got to it. There was a sort of rehashing of what we’d been through.

After I woke I was still sleepy so tried to drift. Instead, in twilight, I saw a thick snake of black fog traveling along the curve of the bed near the wall towards the front door of my apartment. I never saw the beginning of it nor the end. It didn’t spread close to me at all just along the wall. I observed it for a while then asked for assistance with removing it. It got pulled back a bit and split in the middle. I kept having to ask as if my belief in what I was asking wasn’t strong enough to have enough pull. In my mind’s eye I looked backwards and saw the fog pooling on the ground at the head of the bed. The ringing in my ear changed intensity /pitch during this experience. Then, when I woke, my right ear was just very ring-y ( I was laying on that side).

——
Glad it’s Friday. I will plan next week better so I can focus on some prep for the next few months at work. My days are full of meetings and the extra work I do beyond is exhausting.

After that dream I actually want a blt :joy: will order one bc I don’t really use mayo enough to warrant buying it just to make one sandwich.

Been seeing 444 44 this morning.

My AirPlay to the amp sometimes cuts out and this time I lost track of where I was on my first loop of 2.a. In the middle of a song it was like the ultima track disappeared (but it was still playing) and my head was kinda throbby. Adjusted the volume levels in AudioShare and continued. That’s never happened before.


#52

The BLT decision was a great idea. Whitman’s has sour pickles too. :joy:


#53

Dream hopped between different “actors” in a post apocalyptic setting. Was a blue Phoenix that got captured by a village then was watching the bird get captured from miles behind. Was a knock off sailor moon “celestial” hiding in disguise from some bad people and maybe zombies idk. I just thought it seemed so empty there were probably zombies out past the desert wasteland beyond this castle but who knows.

Them these witchy elders came out from being sealed and some more women showed up. We were asked to sit at our places ( there were name cards). No one of my peers seemed to be happy that I was chosen as the “Celestial” first spot. I unplugged my MacBook charger and plugged it back in at the name card location. Fast forward to talking to someone I was supposed to be childhood sweethearts with but I have no idea who they were. Back in the knock off sailor moon place and there was an eating contest? My close friend (irl) was supposed to enter but when I returned I saw her eating shrimp and pasta with a buttery sauce then I had to go do the contest because she got full. She also seemed annoyed with me for asking her why she was eating before the contest.

Dreams are weird y’all. I’m taking a break from the sub till later today. Just didn’t feel like it this morning.


#54

Stage 3 from here on
So I wasn’t planning on being social but the title is unisex so I can at least observe what I can.

One loop at 9ish which is late for me but I saw mention of trying to do it closer to the time you planned on going out.

Was very calm the hour it played. Made brunch and as I ate it the brain tingles started. Back left of my head all lizard brain focused and pulsed outward along the back to land in the middle of my head. At first I thought it was exacerbated by my silk hair ties since I’d put one in on the left then finished brunch. Taking it out did nothing to stop the spread.

Social contact. Introvert’s nightmare. I normally make it a point to have as little as possible unless I’m going out for a purpose: work, my favorite LES bar, friends so

I’m playing one of my fav Spotify channels over entertainment center speakers and one of my favorite songs to get hype to from last year (with a choreographed dance that I’d love to have the knees for) comes on.

A mouse decides to saunter out of my bedroom and sit at the doorway like he wanted to enjoy too. I yelp and it runs back. I wonder if this is a new one or the one that likes to hide under my bed. I am not amused. It means they’re probably not coming out of the mystery closet, but from beneath the radiator in the bedroom whose cover is fused so I can’t get in there. I miss my cat. Mice were never an issue, but also covid wasn’t a thing.

I was gonna wait till later to go, but after I saw the mouse it was all aight imma head out. I vow to get in the closet and make sure they’re not coming from it when I get back.

outside—///

I made conscious decisions to go to crowded ass Whole Foods instead of ordering in my groceries or going to the smaller supermarket closer to me.

Then with about 6 things in my basket I got an alarm that reminded me I had 10 mins to get back for a secret science club zoom so I walked to the fast lane.

The old dude in front of me keeps looking back and it’s hard to tell why because I’m definitely the proper social distance length behind. It’s either

  • normal because this happens
  • because of my #000000 lives matter shirt
  • a combination of the two
  • or the sub being a dick

———

Rush back listen to epidemiologist while I shred some documents then tackle the closet

Good news:

  • doesn’t look like they’re coming from it
  • I get rid of a whole box of books (I keep a select few out of nostalgia. these never made it to my bookshelf in the many years I’ve been here) + a whole box of collector’s edition boxes of games I no longer play
  • I find some unused soft moleskin journals from grad school that I like better than what I’m using now
  • the closet floor is pretty much empty so I felt a little Marie Kondo, but I still have to sort through what’s left more carefully
  • I’m one baby step closer to chucking as much as I can for a streamlined move next year.

Bad news:

  • there’s nothing for me to seal so the search continues
  • the lil assholes seem to be smarter than the first one since none have fallen prey to the sticky traps.
  • My ideal would be I call the building that calls the exterminator and they somehow all escape into the walls before he seals up the apartment and no mice get stuck because then I gotta bludgeon them and take em to the garbage room.

outside —///

I go out to take the boxes downstairs as donations / garbage then head to Starbucks. It’s hot as balls outside still and I wear a mask that will stick to my face less than the silk one I wore the first time because it’s gentler on my skin.

I get the same amount of looks I normally get. There’s no one to strike up a convo with. My neighborhood is not one I like to go out in. It’s quiet, boring, trends older, conservative, and wealthy. Even my local bar where I’m friendly with the bartenders isn’t doing their normal serve drinks out the window today. I plan on moving down further or even Brooklyn once I figure out what the new normal will be for work commute.

After Starbucks, I head to the smaller grocery to pick up some things I couldn’t in my rush through Whole Foods, and here I am.

— — —
Perhaps with more listens the things beyond my internal markers will start showing up. Right now, it was just another day of walking around in a t-shirt and lululemon.

Oh and I just started to get a headache but not sure if it’s from the caffeine I don’t normally drink or something else.


#55

No dreams, weird night of being on edge and drifting in and out of sleep as I listened to binaural tings. Listened to stage 3 at 6am or so then went about my day.

No weird tingles but a general uplifted feeling even though I had to tackle mouse proofing/clean up so I didn’t do my normal meditations this morning. Will do before I sleep.

Sticky traps had nothing so I was both happy and bummed. Ordered a zapper which is more instant, hopefully, and definitely less gruesome for me to get rid of.

Went in bottom of utility closet and confirmed mouse I caught last month had camped out there for a bit. Bleach everywhere in between meetings. Bleach all over the kitchen too. Cleared the shelves above off for good measure Chucked a bunch of things that my ex mil had given me that I forgot about and no longer had to keep out of courtesy.

Rediscovered a 4 place set of Izabel Lam forks and knives I’d snagged at a housing works decades ago. If I didn’t rip open the newspaper they were wrapped in and looked up the brand I wouldn’t have known what they were worth. I will get some use out of them somehow. They’re very delicate.

Went out to grab peanut butter for tomorrow’s traps and picked up more cleaning supplies. Not much time / opportunity for interaction.

Checked what I left downstairs and all the collector’s edition boxes of games I don’t play anymore were gone + half the books. Mostly my grad school hbr + businessy stuff + grimm’s fairy tales. The rest will probably go out with the trash on the sidewalk when the dude that does that arrives. Pratchett you deserved better.


#56

I might need to listen to more than one loop. Not really feeling much of anything and just getting creepy old men stares. :joy: granted they majority of people in my neighborhood are older and I haven’t ventured further west yet. Work is keeping me indoors most of the day. I’m booked with meetings so I can only go out for a bit in the evening.

I wonder if it’s because I don’t really care to attract anyone, I’m just curious. I also tend to be intentionally oblivious so I don’t catch people’s eyes while walking.

My bartender friend told me they couldn’t do the same to go set up they had before so they added little food bites to the menu. The sidewalk tables looked inviting. If I wouldn’t get eaten by mosquitos I might break my mostly not drinking spell and go.

New moon so things are all wonky.

Restarted reiki after a break. I felt off and bad without my daily practice so I’ll continue with what I feel vs worrying about what someone on discord said about it.

Been taking Elix to alleviate some symptoms so that plus red raspberry leaf tea will hopefully see me through. I got a little fever from sitting in front of the AC so I relented and took two Tylenol. Kinda miss running aegis as a just in case.


#57

Also does someone have to pique your interest before it starts? That could also be the reason why I’m not seeing anything out of the ordinary.

Hard to gauge x number of looks/head turns you got before sub vs y afterward. I’m not gonna count em. :joy:


#58

It’d be nice if you did, tho. :stuck_out_tongue:

This sub doesn’t have any type of “healing” in it, as that’s not the goal. It seems that it’s bringing out some odd attitudes in multiple testers. I’m picking up hints of disbelief and/or apathy in your posts, which is interesting…


#59

I live in the woods and am surrounded by woodland mice who like to winter inside my walls, so I have a lot of experience dealing with these critters.

Sticky traps don’t always work, and are very cruel. It’s very common to find a chewed off leg or detached eyeball etc left on the trap, but no mouse. Even if the mouse is still there it’s probably not dead, and it’s probably suffering.

Zappers can work and are more humane but I’ve only had mixed success with them.

I found the most successful strategy is actually using snap traps, but with a slight twist. Use the disposable ones with the large plastic trigger, like these, but don’t bother baiting the trap itself, too may false triggers. Mice like to run along walls, so set the trap right up against the wall with the trigger towards the wall, then place some bait next to it but on the opposite side of where they’re coming from, so that they run over the trigger to get to the bait. Works every time for me.


#60

Thanks. I have the snappers too. I basically have everything but poison. The one I caught with a sticky trap was enough for me to not want any to fall prey to the sticky traps again.